🌳 trahearne (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
pactmarshal) wrote2022-03-07 03:53 pm
pactmarshal) wrote2022-03-07 03:53 pm
Entry tags:
songerein inbox
IC Contact
letters / at-home visits
looking for the archives?
IC Contact
letters / at-home visits
looking for the archives?
I don't know if I would call them good, either.
[ Gingerly, he hugs the jar to his chest, scrubbing his hand over his face. He honestly wishes the act could remove the images from his mind, but the brief moment he has his eyes closed only allows flashes of scenes from the dreams enter his mind. Already he can feel the blush on his face.
His hand drops, and there is indeed a gold hue coloring his cheeks. His eyes are trained on his feet, a little too embarrassed to look Ori in the eye.
When he speaks, he's practically whispering. ]
...I keep dreaming of him. Every time I lay my head down to rest, I see his face. Sometimes we have a life together on Tyria, sometimes we are together here in Songerein, and sometimes we are...
[ His eyes dart to the side.
He swallows. ]
...amidst the throes of passion.
[ Gingerly, he hugs the jar to his chest, scrubbing his hand over his face. He honestly wishes the act could remove the images from his mind, but the brief moment he has his eyes closed only allows flashes of scenes from the dreams enter his mind. Already he can feel the blush on his face.
His hand drops, and there is indeed a gold hue coloring his cheeks. His eyes are trained on his feet, a little too embarrassed to look Ori in the eye.
When he speaks, he's practically whispering. ]
...I keep dreaming of him. Every time I lay my head down to rest, I see his face. Sometimes we have a life together on Tyria, sometimes we are together here in Songerein, and sometimes we are...
[ His eyes dart to the side.
He swallows. ]
...amidst the throes of passion.
Oh, I see...
[ The moment that he mentions his dreams are of his commander, her eyebrows hitch up and her lips draw into a thin line. She's not sure where he's going with this, but at first, it's innocuous, if not bittersweet. She's surely had dreams where she was together with both Thoma and Diluc again. But then he stops in a clearly uncomfortable pause and then— ]
[ The moment that he mentions his dreams are of his commander, her eyebrows hitch up and her lips draw into a thin line. She's not sure where he's going with this, but at first, it's innocuous, if not bittersweet. She's surely had dreams where she was together with both Thoma and Diluc again. But then he stops in a clearly uncomfortable pause and then— ]
[ she's. She's pretty sure she just heard "throes of passion." She did, didn't she? Trahearne just admitted to her that he's been having intimate dreams of his lost love, right? He's said it so quietly, that it takes her a moment to fully realize what he's said, as if she had to play that second back over in her head to make sure. But now that she is sure, her eyes go wide, and she immediately seems panicked about this conversation, perhaps even moreso than when they had been talking about far more pressing matters— ]
Oh. Oh. Okay.
[ Well. She can't exactly judge him for those, either, but... ]
I... I can see why you haven't been sleeping well. Um.
[ What is she supposed to say????? She thinks back on her friends, particularly the ones who were much more open with talking about matters of intimacy. But this is different. It's not like she can just tell him to act on it, seeing as the commander isn't here? What would Colin say? What would a bard do?? ]
Um... What if... You wrote him a letter? O-Or, a poem? Even if it won't reach him, i-it might be good to just... Get those feelings out...
Oh. Oh. Okay.
[ Well. She can't exactly judge him for those, either, but... ]
I... I can see why you haven't been sleeping well. Um.
[ What is she supposed to say????? She thinks back on her friends, particularly the ones who were much more open with talking about matters of intimacy. But this is different. It's not like she can just tell him to act on it, seeing as the commander isn't here? What would Colin say? What would a bard do?? ]
Um... What if... You wrote him a letter? O-Or, a poem? Even if it won't reach him, i-it might be good to just... Get those feelings out...
Edited 2022-09-23 18:02 (UTC)
[ It’s impossible to not be charmed by him in some way. Maybe it’s the idea that she has to forgive him for something that simple— it’s not going to inconvenience her one bit if he’s a bit difficult about letting her fuss over him from time to time. It’s himself he needs to apologize to, for not finding the part of himself to unlock and let that in sooner. In some ways, Aerith muses, he must be his own worst enemy. When she looks up at Trahearne to stare at his golden eyes, she thinks he looks like he’s wrestling with a number of things now. Maybe she’s not really helped at the end of the day. Who is to say?
He doesn’t really have to say it. Too many people have wanted her to let them care for her in their lives— thank goodness, she thinks, that he’s more like the charmers in the slums and less like a hulking tower of a man that visits her in her nightmares. She may not know what it is that makes him this way, but she welcomes it in some respects; it makes him easier to tease, she thinks.
The fastest way to her heart, however, is food. Her gaze breaks from staring at him to look at the little chalkboard sign, leaning closer on the tips of her toes. She reads the scratchy white letters for barely more than a second before she gasps and grabs his hand, tightly, already pulling him in. ] Trahearne, look! They have pumpkin drinks! That’s so incredible…
[ The slums never had the luxury of seasonal drinks. It tickles her a little, to think of commercials broadcast from the towers near the reactors, things that they’d never have, reminders of the city overhead that walked on them daily.
He doesn’t know it, yet, as it is, but he’s been taking care of her little by little. She remembers how boldly he says things like he wanted to see her fight something more powerful than a monkey, how he respects her as a warrior and… a friend, perhaps. She hopes. Too often is it that people coddle her. ]
He doesn’t really have to say it. Too many people have wanted her to let them care for her in their lives— thank goodness, she thinks, that he’s more like the charmers in the slums and less like a hulking tower of a man that visits her in her nightmares. She may not know what it is that makes him this way, but she welcomes it in some respects; it makes him easier to tease, she thinks.
The fastest way to her heart, however, is food. Her gaze breaks from staring at him to look at the little chalkboard sign, leaning closer on the tips of her toes. She reads the scratchy white letters for barely more than a second before she gasps and grabs his hand, tightly, already pulling him in. ] Trahearne, look! They have pumpkin drinks! That’s so incredible…
[ The slums never had the luxury of seasonal drinks. It tickles her a little, to think of commercials broadcast from the towers near the reactors, things that they’d never have, reminders of the city overhead that walked on them daily.
He doesn’t know it, yet, as it is, but he’s been taking care of her little by little. She remembers how boldly he says things like he wanted to see her fight something more powerful than a monkey, how he respects her as a warrior and… a friend, perhaps. She hopes. Too often is it that people coddle her. ]
[As he discusses the cats from his home world and his interactions with them, Beatrix takes a moment to pause her attentions to listen to him. Attentively. She has in mind to ask him whatever he’s learned, but he answers enough for her without any additional prodding necessary.
What he follows up with is weighted. Pointed in its own way. There’s a great deal of implication in there and she knows why. He doesn’t even need to say it for her to get the message. For some moments, she leaves her gaze on him and then when she finds she can hold it no longer, it turns back onto the cat. Mercy and compassion are so much more difficult than the alternative. When she starts taking into consideration the number of people in this world who care for her despite what’s lingered in her past, it makes her chest feel tight.
It hurts, really. Kindness hurts so much more than hatred.]
Is that so.
[She utters quietly as she resumes offering a gentle touch to his cat’s head and right along a furry cheek.]
Seems there are quite a few cats here in Reverein then.
[Him, she means. Ira. Dohalim. Oriphi. Eustace. Almost everyone.]
What he follows up with is weighted. Pointed in its own way. There’s a great deal of implication in there and she knows why. He doesn’t even need to say it for her to get the message. For some moments, she leaves her gaze on him and then when she finds she can hold it no longer, it turns back onto the cat. Mercy and compassion are so much more difficult than the alternative. When she starts taking into consideration the number of people in this world who care for her despite what’s lingered in her past, it makes her chest feel tight.
It hurts, really. Kindness hurts so much more than hatred.]
Is that so.
[She utters quietly as she resumes offering a gentle touch to his cat’s head and right along a furry cheek.]
Seems there are quite a few cats here in Reverein then.
[Him, she means. Ira. Dohalim. Oriphi. Eustace. Almost everyone.]
[ That pause only makes this whole thing even more awkward, and Trahearne immediately regrets saying it out loud. Almost immediately does he pick up on Ori's panic, and that only makes him panic a little bit in turn. He hangs his head and plasters his face in his hand.
He doesn't know what to say either!!! Otherwise he would have said more!!! ]
I--I've tried. I've tried all manner of things to get them out of my system, but no matter how I feel at the end of the day, it all comes back in dreams.
[ This has to be some kind of torture. He'd been so ready to let go not even two weeks ago, and now he was desperately wishing he could just forget about his commander entirely. Which isn't fair to either of them at all (and kind of cruel). ]
I'm sorry, Ori. If only I'd never shown you that dreamscape in Oz, or been so audacious as to recreate him in it, or...admitted to myself what I did. Then I probably wouldn't have hallucinated him in the cave, which I'm certain led to this...
[ This is all his own doing, he thinks. ]
He doesn't know what to say either!!! Otherwise he would have said more!!! ]
I--I've tried. I've tried all manner of things to get them out of my system, but no matter how I feel at the end of the day, it all comes back in dreams.
[ This has to be some kind of torture. He'd been so ready to let go not even two weeks ago, and now he was desperately wishing he could just forget about his commander entirely. Which isn't fair to either of them at all (and kind of cruel). ]
I'm sorry, Ori. If only I'd never shown you that dreamscape in Oz, or been so audacious as to recreate him in it, or...admitted to myself what I did. Then I probably wouldn't have hallucinated him in the cave, which I'm certain led to this...
[ This is all his own doing, he thinks. ]
[ In the silence that follows, Trahearne keeps his eyes on her, a mild expression on his face. He knows she understands what he means--that cats can sense genuinely kind people right away, regardless of how shy they initially are. They rarely give the truly vile the time of day.
And he is, in fact, just talking about cats. And if Seisyll (his "daughter") is happy to eat from the palm of her hand and accept scratches to her chin, then that's all he needs to know.
But her metaphor is not lost on him. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, his gaze dropping to watch his animal companion stretch, her eyes snapping open, making an attempt to climb up towards Beatrix's face. ]
I suppose there are.
[ He knows his life experiences may inform his present choices, but who he was then means little now. He's come to apply that thinking to everyone else he meets.
But he also knows his place. ]
Beatrix, I hope that, in times of distress, you have someone to talk to. It doesn't have to be me--it would be impudent of me to assume you would come to me, but know there are people here who care for you and would be more than happy to help you.
[ They wouldn't want a noctrix on their hands. ]
And he is, in fact, just talking about cats. And if Seisyll (his "daughter") is happy to eat from the palm of her hand and accept scratches to her chin, then that's all he needs to know.
But her metaphor is not lost on him. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, his gaze dropping to watch his animal companion stretch, her eyes snapping open, making an attempt to climb up towards Beatrix's face. ]
I suppose there are.
[ He knows his life experiences may inform his present choices, but who he was then means little now. He's come to apply that thinking to everyone else he meets.
But he also knows his place. ]
Beatrix, I hope that, in times of distress, you have someone to talk to. It doesn't have to be me--it would be impudent of me to assume you would come to me, but know there are people here who care for you and would be more than happy to help you.
[ They wouldn't want a noctrix on their hands. ]
[ The thought he could be charming has never crossed Trahearne's mind. People at home rarely had a favorable opinion of him, much less thought he had any sort of charm. It's the last thing he'd think of himself as.
In the split second after she grabs his hand, he looks down, allowing her to pull him into the cafe. And in that split second, he thinks. He thinks of all the people he's met so far, all of whom have been kind and understanding and exceedingly friendly to him. But all of them, he realizes, had sensed the walls and barriers he had put up around himself. They respected the arm's length he's kept them at, happy to step closer only when he allowed them to. And slowly but surely, he's found his friends this way--a slow, quiet strengthening of bonds.
But then comes Aerith, tearing down his walls and barriers and inviting herself in, making herself at home, cheering him on and showing up out of the blue with apples and expressing her pride for him and now, grabbing his hand and leading him into the cafe like it was her own idea to begin with.
And while she's not looking, he cracks a little smile. She reminds him of someone.
The cafe itself is not very big--there's a display counter with some pies and cakes and a lone shopkeeper stands behind the register. They greet them with a smile as Trahearne's gaze drifts up to the cluttered menu of drinks and food on the wall above them, trying to see if he fancies treating himself to something than his usual black coffee. ]
Aerith. [ He murmurs, eyes still on the menu, gently nudging her in the arm. Does she still have a hold on his hand? He hasn't checked. ] It's not your mother's, but they do have chicken noodle soup.
[ And he glances at her curiously. Maybe he'll get a cup of it. ]
In the split second after she grabs his hand, he looks down, allowing her to pull him into the cafe. And in that split second, he thinks. He thinks of all the people he's met so far, all of whom have been kind and understanding and exceedingly friendly to him. But all of them, he realizes, had sensed the walls and barriers he had put up around himself. They respected the arm's length he's kept them at, happy to step closer only when he allowed them to. And slowly but surely, he's found his friends this way--a slow, quiet strengthening of bonds.
But then comes Aerith, tearing down his walls and barriers and inviting herself in, making herself at home, cheering him on and showing up out of the blue with apples and expressing her pride for him and now, grabbing his hand and leading him into the cafe like it was her own idea to begin with.
And while she's not looking, he cracks a little smile. She reminds him of someone.
The cafe itself is not very big--there's a display counter with some pies and cakes and a lone shopkeeper stands behind the register. They greet them with a smile as Trahearne's gaze drifts up to the cluttered menu of drinks and food on the wall above them, trying to see if he fancies treating himself to something than his usual black coffee. ]
Aerith. [ He murmurs, eyes still on the menu, gently nudging her in the arm. Does she still have a hold on his hand? He hasn't checked. ] It's not your mother's, but they do have chicken noodle soup.
[ And he glances at her curiously. Maybe he'll get a cup of it. ]
[His words linger with her. Resonate in their own way. She’s been hearing them a lot. Eustace. Oriphi. The others. It seems like that’s all any of them have ever wanted for her. To have an outlet. Perhaps it has become quite obvious that Beatrix holds onto everything. Tries to carry everything herself. Tries to portray herself as invincible and untouchable, though she’s as fallible as anyone else. She’s not immune to any of it, much to her chagrin.
For a moment, she’s almost expecting him to join the list of people who might prod her about Dohalim, but it occurs to her that he too was down whilst anything she might have said would have given her away. The only reason Oriphi found out was because she refused to allow Beatrix to spend that fated night following Eustace’s misadventure alone.]
I…
[Beatrix scoffs a little, lifting a hand to haughtily flick her hair back. It’s one of her tells. An indication that she’s embarrassed to have such a conversation and she doesn’t take to humiliation well.]
It seems a good lot of you are quite concerned about me.
[She finally responds gently, offering Seisyll one more pet for good measure before she rises to her full stature. Turning her attention onto Trahearne, she regards him with care and consideration.]
I ought to make certain such feelings occur minimally.
[That’s not at all what he’s trying to say and she knows it.]
For a moment, she’s almost expecting him to join the list of people who might prod her about Dohalim, but it occurs to her that he too was down whilst anything she might have said would have given her away. The only reason Oriphi found out was because she refused to allow Beatrix to spend that fated night following Eustace’s misadventure alone.]
I…
[Beatrix scoffs a little, lifting a hand to haughtily flick her hair back. It’s one of her tells. An indication that she’s embarrassed to have such a conversation and she doesn’t take to humiliation well.]
It seems a good lot of you are quite concerned about me.
[She finally responds gently, offering Seisyll one more pet for good measure before she rises to her full stature. Turning her attention onto Trahearne, she regards him with care and consideration.]
I ought to make certain such feelings occur minimally.
[That’s not at all what he’s trying to say and she knows it.]
[ Trahearne, in fact, knows absolutely nothing about her relationship with Dohalim. Isn't she lucky?
He watches her, sensing she might not be very happy with the conversation, but he still thinks it's worth saying out loud. Regardless, he won't keep prodding the topic for any longer than he needs to. ]
It's only natural we worry for the people we care about.
[ When he says that, he can't help but smile wryly to himself. He certainly spends a lot of his time worrying about things. He cares, yes--or does it come from a place of obligation and duty? Even after all this time, he still hasn't figured that out yet.
He observes her as she stands. Seisyll, with her target (Beatrix's face) now out of reach, begins to weave between her legs.
With a nod, and a small, satisfied smile, he turns back to the groceries. ] You know what's best for you. [ As a colleague, ally, and equal, he won't fuss over Beatrix like he does the younger cohort. With the bag empty, he begins folding it to put it away. ] But if you ever need me, you know where to find me.
He watches her, sensing she might not be very happy with the conversation, but he still thinks it's worth saying out loud. Regardless, he won't keep prodding the topic for any longer than he needs to. ]
It's only natural we worry for the people we care about.
[ When he says that, he can't help but smile wryly to himself. He certainly spends a lot of his time worrying about things. He cares, yes--or does it come from a place of obligation and duty? Even after all this time, he still hasn't figured that out yet.
He observes her as she stands. Seisyll, with her target (Beatrix's face) now out of reach, begins to weave between her legs.
With a nod, and a small, satisfied smile, he turns back to the groceries. ] You know what's best for you. [ As a colleague, ally, and equal, he won't fuss over Beatrix like he does the younger cohort. With the bag empty, he begins folding it to put it away. ] But if you ever need me, you know where to find me.
Yes. I suppose there is truth in that.
[She casts a look down to Seisyll, making a note to move very carefully that she not dislodge the cat overmuch. She can easily picture just toppling right over herself in an ungraceful flailing of limbs. Fortunately, that hasn’t happened just yet.
Looking over to him, she’s going through the second bag of items and finishing unpacking it for him.]
I appreciate it, Trahearne. I doubt I need to say it, but I reflect the same to you. I think all of us have our moments where we think we need to handle everything on our own. Some of us may be more acquainted with that feeling than others. It does not mean the approach is any different. We all want to assist and support those close to us.
[...She is no different in that respect either.]
[She casts a look down to Seisyll, making a note to move very carefully that she not dislodge the cat overmuch. She can easily picture just toppling right over herself in an ungraceful flailing of limbs. Fortunately, that hasn’t happened just yet.
Looking over to him, she’s going through the second bag of items and finishing unpacking it for him.]
I appreciate it, Trahearne. I doubt I need to say it, but I reflect the same to you. I think all of us have our moments where we think we need to handle everything on our own. Some of us may be more acquainted with that feeling than others. It does not mean the approach is any different. We all want to assist and support those close to us.
[...She is no different in that respect either.]
[ Inside the shop, there is a cornucopia of choice for her to marvel at. It is overwhelming in some respects; being from the slums, she has never seen so much choice before. It’s usually a “to order” sort of situation at cafes and the like, with few exceptions. When she finally lets go of his hand, she’s leaning over to peer into the display case, green eyes sparkling like jewels. He hums a happy little tune then, as Aerith leans this way and that way. Marveling at the sweets without abandon, she barely cares about how silly it must look.
She’s terribly glad she mustered up the energy to get up and seek him out, specifically. When Trahearne’s voice interrupts her thoughts, she looks up at him, tilts her head, and registers what he’s saying a moment later before standing up right, beaming again. This is a cause for very serious consideration. ]
Two cups of chicken noodle soup, please!
[ He doesn’t get a choice— in truth, it’s not her mother’s soup, but a cup of something warm and relaxing with a friend is just as important and lovely to her. She’s not had the chance before, and making up for it sounds delightful. ]
She’s terribly glad she mustered up the energy to get up and seek him out, specifically. When Trahearne’s voice interrupts her thoughts, she looks up at him, tilts her head, and registers what he’s saying a moment later before standing up right, beaming again. This is a cause for very serious consideration. ]
Two cups of chicken noodle soup, please!
[ He doesn’t get a choice— in truth, it’s not her mother’s soup, but a cup of something warm and relaxing with a friend is just as important and lovely to her. She’s not had the chance before, and making up for it sounds delightful. ]
[ As Beatrix starts to move, Seisyll gets the hint and darts away again, finding a nice spot under the table to curl up.
In the meanwhile, Trahearne starts sorting the fruits and placing them in various cupboards, different receptacles. Every so often as she speaks does he throw a glance her way, trying to gauge how much of what she's tell him is her scolding him, or her simply reminding him. The argument with Ori over this very topic is fresh in his mind, and the sores from that still tender.
"All of us have our moments where we think we need to handle everything on our own." That's been true for him for his entire life. It wasn't a matter of thinking he had to handle everything on his own, it was a matter of knowing he had no choice but to. And his efforts to unlearn this have been unsuccessful so far. ]
I know. [ He says this quietly, a way to protect himself. With the last fruits put in their place, he carefully tucks the folded bag into a nearby drawer. ] But it's good to hear it again, and I admittedly need the reminder.
[ He leans against the counter and eases the tension in his shoulders; a stinging in his chest tells him that he probably should have let Beatrix do the putting things away herself. And hypocritically, he says nothing. ]
Thank you, Beatrix.
In the meanwhile, Trahearne starts sorting the fruits and placing them in various cupboards, different receptacles. Every so often as she speaks does he throw a glance her way, trying to gauge how much of what she's tell him is her scolding him, or her simply reminding him. The argument with Ori over this very topic is fresh in his mind, and the sores from that still tender.
"All of us have our moments where we think we need to handle everything on our own." That's been true for him for his entire life. It wasn't a matter of thinking he had to handle everything on his own, it was a matter of knowing he had no choice but to. And his efforts to unlearn this have been unsuccessful so far. ]
I know. [ He says this quietly, a way to protect himself. With the last fruits put in their place, he carefully tucks the folded bag into a nearby drawer. ] But it's good to hear it again, and I admittedly need the reminder.
[ He leans against the counter and eases the tension in his shoulders; a stinging in his chest tells him that he probably should have let Beatrix do the putting things away herself. And hypocritically, he says nothing. ]
Thank you, Beatrix.
[ Trahearne's no different, really, with how he stands there and gapes at the sheer amount of choice on the menu. This is a very human thing--so rigid, so specific.
He glances at her as she stands and gives her order, and he can't help a brief chuckle. ]
How did you know?
[ In truth, he'd been thinking about chicken noodle soup ever since she brought it up. Weird how ideas like that planted themselves in one's mind and took root. That he brought it up at all should have been clue enough for her, he supposes.
With a smile, he directs his attention to the person behind the counter and adds to the order, ] And two pumpkin spice lattes, please.
[ He isn't sure about that...but he'll try it.
The shopkeeper informs him of the price and immediately gets to preparing their food and drinks. Trahearne quickly pays for it, and turns back to Aerith as he's putting his wallet away. ]
I pass this place almost every day, but I have never been inside. And I don't think I ever would have if you hadn't found me. [ A smile grows across his face. ] Thank you, Aerith.
He glances at her as she stands and gives her order, and he can't help a brief chuckle. ]
How did you know?
[ In truth, he'd been thinking about chicken noodle soup ever since she brought it up. Weird how ideas like that planted themselves in one's mind and took root. That he brought it up at all should have been clue enough for her, he supposes.
With a smile, he directs his attention to the person behind the counter and adds to the order, ] And two pumpkin spice lattes, please.
[ He isn't sure about that...but he'll try it.
The shopkeeper informs him of the price and immediately gets to preparing their food and drinks. Trahearne quickly pays for it, and turns back to Aerith as he's putting his wallet away. ]
I pass this place almost every day, but I have never been inside. And I don't think I ever would have if you hadn't found me. [ A smile grows across his face. ] Thank you, Aerith.
[Maybe what she says is more for her than it is for him. They are often things that have been spoken unto her. They are often things she needs to keep in consideration. Lessons she still needs to learn, though thinks about often enough.Â
When he weighs in, she decides not to push any further. Of course he knows. They’ve all probably said it to one another, shared it here and there as necessary. Drawing quiet for some moments until she’s finished unpacking, she folds up the bag neatly, leaving it on his counter.
His gratitude is unnecessary. She never says anything for that sort of thing. She only says what she thinks needs to be said. In the end, maybe he’s just thanking her again for getting him food.]
Sometimes I need the reminder as well.
[Looking over to him, she forces a smile, though it’s subdued and difficult to hold.]
I think between all of us we will have plenty more of those to come in the future.
When he weighs in, she decides not to push any further. Of course he knows. They’ve all probably said it to one another, shared it here and there as necessary. Drawing quiet for some moments until she’s finished unpacking, she folds up the bag neatly, leaving it on his counter.
His gratitude is unnecessary. She never says anything for that sort of thing. She only says what she thinks needs to be said. In the end, maybe he’s just thanking her again for getting him food.]
Sometimes I need the reminder as well.
[Looking over to him, she forces a smile, though it’s subdued and difficult to hold.]
I think between all of us we will have plenty more of those to come in the future.
[ Ever in-tune with other’s emotions, the moment that he starts to panic in turn, she realizes that it’s her doing and steels herself, taking in a deep breath and focusing less on the fact that he’s just told her about the intimate nature of his dreams and more on the fact that they are truly, deeply bothering him.
The moment that he begins to speak of regret, the panic dissipates entirely, and in its place settles a will to support her friend completely. She reaches out to take a careful hold of his wrist and leans in to try and catch his gaze. ]
Hey— none of that, now. This is not your doing or your fault.
[ She squeezes his wrist gently with a reassuring grip. ]
I’m really grateful that you showed me so much of your home and your history in that dreamscape. And that I got to meet your commander. I never would have gotten to meet him otherwise. The dreams of this world can be a blessing or a curse, but we can’t go regretting the happy dreams that we have. Otherwise, all we’ll have are nightmares.
[ And they have both seen what happens when there are only nightmares. ]
The moment that he begins to speak of regret, the panic dissipates entirely, and in its place settles a will to support her friend completely. She reaches out to take a careful hold of his wrist and leans in to try and catch his gaze. ]
Hey— none of that, now. This is not your doing or your fault.
[ She squeezes his wrist gently with a reassuring grip. ]
I’m really grateful that you showed me so much of your home and your history in that dreamscape. And that I got to meet your commander. I never would have gotten to meet him otherwise. The dreams of this world can be a blessing or a curse, but we can’t go regretting the happy dreams that we have. Otherwise, all we’ll have are nightmares.
[ And they have both seen what happens when there are only nightmares. ]
[ There’s something about what he says— the implication that her presence is better than the absence of it, that gets to her. Aerith stares for a moment, hunched over to stare into the display again, with her hands on her knees. Silently, she just looks at him, and thinks about being alone in the trainyard; that moment is what kept her from falling deeper into a deathly slumber, she thinks to herself, and when she stands straight again, there’s a tiny, warm smile on her face.
Without another word, she closes the distance between them, only to land a very familiar, very careful playful smack upon his arm, without the intention of him. ] And here I thought I was coming to cheer you up!
[ It’s the most she says about her own state, beaming the whole long way, before moving to pass him. The seats outside are too tempting, and she’s not going to stand still and wait. She never has. ]
Oh, and…
[ Stopping at the now open door, Aerith looks to Trahearne over her shoulder, her smile far more mischievous now than it had been. She didn’t tell him how she knew, though part of her thinks he had just been brushing aside how stubborn she is. Her mother had thought of her as such, at least. ]
I have my ways.
[ Of just knowing.
With that, she walks out into the sunlight again, arranging a table for them eagerly. There’s three chairs; one next to her, and one across. Does he take the bait? Hmm. ]
Without another word, she closes the distance between them, only to land a very familiar, very careful playful smack upon his arm, without the intention of him. ] And here I thought I was coming to cheer you up!
[ It’s the most she says about her own state, beaming the whole long way, before moving to pass him. The seats outside are too tempting, and she’s not going to stand still and wait. She never has. ]
Oh, and…
[ Stopping at the now open door, Aerith looks to Trahearne over her shoulder, her smile far more mischievous now than it had been. She didn’t tell him how she knew, though part of her thinks he had just been brushing aside how stubborn she is. Her mother had thought of her as such, at least. ]
I have my ways.
[ Of just knowing.
With that, she walks out into the sunlight again, arranging a table for them eagerly. There’s three chairs; one next to her, and one across. Does he take the bait? Hmm. ]
[ Trahearne returns the smile, but it comes easier to him. He's genuinely thankful Beatrix has come to help him, that she reached out to him when she did. He's also genuinely thankful to have people like her as his friends--his allies. Though most of them are stoic, all of them care. And it's hard to deal with that sometimes.
Uncharacteristically, he crosses his arms over his chest, mostly to keep him from overexerting his arms and by extension, his chest. It will heal with time; he just has to wait. ]
I think all of us present at the incident have formed a unique bond among us. We all went through the pain, and each of us are uniquely equipped to help one another. [ He chuckles a bit, confirming what she said. ] We most certainly will not be lacking in reminders among all of us.
Uncharacteristically, he crosses his arms over his chest, mostly to keep him from overexerting his arms and by extension, his chest. It will heal with time; he just has to wait. ]
I think all of us present at the incident have formed a unique bond among us. We all went through the pain, and each of us are uniquely equipped to help one another. [ He chuckles a bit, confirming what she said. ] We most certainly will not be lacking in reminders among all of us.
[ Is it not his fault, though? If it all came from his mind, and it still comes from his mind, then is he not the main culprit in these manifestations? Why couldn't he have simply moved past it all when he awoke here, and moved immediately into his new life?
Trahearne looks down at Ori, his attention immediately centered on her as she comes in to take his wrist. The look on his face is torn, extremely conflicted. He seems tired, defeated--he can only take so much constant blissful ecstasy night after night only to be woken in the wee hours. He needs to rest, especially while he's healing. And his lack of it is making him irritable. ]
I know. [ He says this quietly, gaze dropping to her hand. ] I...do miss him, and sometimes, I think it is nice that I dream of him so often. [ A quiet scoff escapes his throat. ] But I wish he would let me rest.
Trahearne looks down at Ori, his attention immediately centered on her as she comes in to take his wrist. The look on his face is torn, extremely conflicted. He seems tired, defeated--he can only take so much constant blissful ecstasy night after night only to be woken in the wee hours. He needs to rest, especially while he's healing. And his lack of it is making him irritable. ]
I know. [ He says this quietly, gaze dropping to her hand. ] I...do miss him, and sometimes, I think it is nice that I dream of him so often. [ A quiet scoff escapes his throat. ] But I wish he would let me rest.
[ Trahearne studies her as she moves; as he looks back at her, he wonders what's going on in her mind. What is she thinking of in response to his thanks?
The answer surprises him a little bit, and he instinctively reaches to rub the spot she smacked. It doesn't hurt, of course. He doesn't even think about the motion. It's more an act of wonder; if thanks was enough to cheer her up, then he would readily give it. He has plenty of gratitude, after all, for many things. Including her.
That thought, however, puzzles him. His gaze follows her as she moves to the exit, and what she says registers just barely in his mind.
Where did that come from?
The shopkeeper's announcement that their food and drinks are ready snaps him back into reality. With a brief word of thanks he scoops up the tray and takes it outside.
It isn't long after Aerith that Trahearne emerges, carefully balancing the tray of soups and lattes in his hands and the basket of apples in one arm. ]
I hope I didn't keep you waiting.
[ He gently sets down the tray on the table, angled so that Aerith is free to pick whichever soup or latte she likes. The basket of apples goes to rest on the chair between them, and Trahearne takes his place in the chair opposite. ]
It smells delightful.
[ And he unceremoniously reaches for whichever soup and latte is left over. ]
The answer surprises him a little bit, and he instinctively reaches to rub the spot she smacked. It doesn't hurt, of course. He doesn't even think about the motion. It's more an act of wonder; if thanks was enough to cheer her up, then he would readily give it. He has plenty of gratitude, after all, for many things. Including her.
That thought, however, puzzles him. His gaze follows her as she moves to the exit, and what she says registers just barely in his mind.
Where did that come from?
The shopkeeper's announcement that their food and drinks are ready snaps him back into reality. With a brief word of thanks he scoops up the tray and takes it outside.
It isn't long after Aerith that Trahearne emerges, carefully balancing the tray of soups and lattes in his hands and the basket of apples in one arm. ]
I hope I didn't keep you waiting.
[ He gently sets down the tray on the table, angled so that Aerith is free to pick whichever soup or latte she likes. The basket of apples goes to rest on the chair between them, and Trahearne takes his place in the chair opposite. ]
It smells delightful.
[ And he unceremoniously reaches for whichever soup and latte is left over. ]
A… unique bond.
[Yes. Perhaps he’s right on that one. It’s true that ever since that night, when she thinks of the others, wonders how they’re doing, even if it’s something mundane, she feels a touch different. It’s not quite the same as her relationship with Dohalim or even that of Kisara. It is distinctly different.]
I did not think of it in such a way, but it is not untrue. I think it is that the adversity we faced was something we had to come together to overcome. We hear it frequently enough. Through hardship are fierce bounds found. I never was much fond of working alongside others. I have always preferred to do things on my own. I suppose I had not the experience of what it would be like to form camaraderies like that.
[Yes. Perhaps he’s right on that one. It’s true that ever since that night, when she thinks of the others, wonders how they’re doing, even if it’s something mundane, she feels a touch different. It’s not quite the same as her relationship with Dohalim or even that of Kisara. It is distinctly different.]
I did not think of it in such a way, but it is not untrue. I think it is that the adversity we faced was something we had to come together to overcome. We hear it frequently enough. Through hardship are fierce bounds found. I never was much fond of working alongside others. I have always preferred to do things on my own. I suppose I had not the experience of what it would be like to form camaraderies like that.
[ Trahearne nods. Through hardship are fierce bonds found. That might possibly be the truest thing he's heard all day. That line might stick with him for a while.
But he turns to look at her, study her as she speaks when she mentions not ever experiencing a bond like this. He sympathizes a little, but while he spent most of his life by himself, the unique circumstances of his people meant he did experience such a thing. ]
...My firstborn siblings and I shared something similar. There were only twelve of us in the beginning, and in those first two years, we were alone. We fought hard to establish ourselves as a respectable people in our world, and to ensure our survival. We experienced terrible loss when one of our brothers left us much too early, even before the second generation awoke. Since then, the firstborn have dwindled in number. There are only eight of them left now.
[ He pauses, his gaze more intense than he perhaps intends. He gets the sense that she would rather be alone, keep herself apart, stay with the status quo of her life that she is so comfortable maintaining. But he knows what it's like to have, and to lose such a bond. ]
I don't want to give you unsolicited advice, Beatrix. But I do encourage you to cherish what we have while we're all still here.
But he turns to look at her, study her as she speaks when she mentions not ever experiencing a bond like this. He sympathizes a little, but while he spent most of his life by himself, the unique circumstances of his people meant he did experience such a thing. ]
...My firstborn siblings and I shared something similar. There were only twelve of us in the beginning, and in those first two years, we were alone. We fought hard to establish ourselves as a respectable people in our world, and to ensure our survival. We experienced terrible loss when one of our brothers left us much too early, even before the second generation awoke. Since then, the firstborn have dwindled in number. There are only eight of them left now.
[ He pauses, his gaze more intense than he perhaps intends. He gets the sense that she would rather be alone, keep herself apart, stay with the status quo of her life that she is so comfortable maintaining. But he knows what it's like to have, and to lose such a bond. ]
I don't want to give you unsolicited advice, Beatrix. But I do encourage you to cherish what we have while we're all still here.
Edited (fixing wording dont mind me............) 2022-10-03 13:01 (UTC)
[It's the first time she's heard him talk about his people in such a way. She doesn't know very much about the Sylvari. Given that Gaia is full many beast-like people, Beatrix has never really given a lot of thought to it. Trahearne is simply Trahearne. That's all he needs to be.
How he speaks of his people, regardless, is intriguing. Firstborn siblings. Implying that there are evidently more. She's never really asked how his people grow, but given that he is so akin to a plant, she imagines the sowing of seeds. Or however plants spread their young. She's sure if she said any of that aloud, it might very well be received as a touch ill-informed and comedic.
His explanation, however, is a sad one. She can't help but wonder where this all comes from, but when he continues, she pauses. For all that she intends to address the plight of his fellow firstborn, his ending words grab her attention.]
...Does it seem that I am ungrateful for you and the others?
[...She could believe that, she supposes. It's not as though she's has oft voiced herself when it comes to those kinds of feelings. He would have every reason to think she was ungrateful.]
How he speaks of his people, regardless, is intriguing. Firstborn siblings. Implying that there are evidently more. She's never really asked how his people grow, but given that he is so akin to a plant, she imagines the sowing of seeds. Or however plants spread their young. She's sure if she said any of that aloud, it might very well be received as a touch ill-informed and comedic.
His explanation, however, is a sad one. She can't help but wonder where this all comes from, but when he continues, she pauses. For all that she intends to address the plight of his fellow firstborn, his ending words grab her attention.]
...Does it seem that I am ungrateful for you and the others?
[...She could believe that, she supposes. It's not as though she's has oft voiced herself when it comes to those kinds of feelings. He would have every reason to think she was ungrateful.]
[ She sees that conflicted expression and hears the pain in his voice, and she offers him a sympathetic look. It would be foolish of her to act as if she hasn’t dreamt of Thoma in the months since his departure; so she understands, in a way. Given how he’d reacted to her bringing up her own experiences in the moments that have since passed, she decides not to say anything. She’s woken up from such dreams with such a feeling of confusion and even more so: a profound sadness for what she no longer has. It’s not the same, and she wouldn’t ever pretend that it could be the same.
But she gets it. ]
I’m sorry, Trahearne. It must be so wonderful and painful all at once…
[ Carefully, she pulls him into a hug. It’s reminiscent of the time he’d woken up from his sleep coma with a frightful nightmare; there are no nightmares this time, but many of the same sentiments remain. Regret. Grief. A longing left hanging forevermore. ]
Have you tried saying goodbye to him? In a dream?
But she gets it. ]
I’m sorry, Trahearne. It must be so wonderful and painful all at once…
[ Carefully, she pulls him into a hug. It’s reminiscent of the time he’d woken up from his sleep coma with a frightful nightmare; there are no nightmares this time, but many of the same sentiments remain. Regret. Grief. A longing left hanging forevermore. ]
Have you tried saying goodbye to him? In a dream?
Not at all. I apologise if it came across that way. [ Trahearne's brows raise a bit--he didn't mean it like that. He doesn't mean to call her ungrateful at all. Beatrix would not have reached out if she were, would she? She clearly needed company, and she would have solved that problem elsewhere if she were.
He shakes his head. ]
But if you're anything like me, [ she does, in fact, strike him a bit like Phantom and Eustace, and the three of them are very similar ] then you may find you choose to remove yourself in certain circumstances instead of finding support. I admit...I am rather guilty of this myself, but I am trying. Perhaps my advice is not all that convincing, in that case.
[ He remembers the last day he saw Riannoc. Wynne. Riannoc, especially--the news of his death had been so devastating for a people so young and ready to embrace life. Though he lives on in their memory, he never got to live. He wonders what Caithe thought and felt as she watched the commander strike him down. He wonders if she saw Faolain, in the end. He hopes, sincerely, she's not had to watch any of the others fall since then. ]
But once that connection is gone...it never comes back.
[ He has heard tell of some people leaving and then reawakening in Songerein. But who's to tell that will always happen? Or that will apply to any of them in the future?
And to that end, ]
I am grateful you came to see me, Beatrix. As strange as it sounds, I'm glad we shared this experience.
He shakes his head. ]
But if you're anything like me, [ she does, in fact, strike him a bit like Phantom and Eustace, and the three of them are very similar ] then you may find you choose to remove yourself in certain circumstances instead of finding support. I admit...I am rather guilty of this myself, but I am trying. Perhaps my advice is not all that convincing, in that case.
[ He remembers the last day he saw Riannoc. Wynne. Riannoc, especially--the news of his death had been so devastating for a people so young and ready to embrace life. Though he lives on in their memory, he never got to live. He wonders what Caithe thought and felt as she watched the commander strike him down. He wonders if she saw Faolain, in the end. He hopes, sincerely, she's not had to watch any of the others fall since then. ]
But once that connection is gone...it never comes back.
[ He has heard tell of some people leaving and then reawakening in Songerein. But who's to tell that will always happen? Or that will apply to any of them in the future?
And to that end, ]
I am grateful you came to see me, Beatrix. As strange as it sounds, I'm glad we shared this experience.
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