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[She shakes her head at him. She doesn’t need the gratitude. It’s a little nice to hear, but entirely unnecessary. He would have done the same for her, after all. If she let him, of course. There’s some moments of hesitance when he backs away from the door and for those moments as she moves one back to one hand just to balance herself out a bit, she takes in the interior.

Beatrix is still incredibly old-fashioned. It’s improper to visit a man’s residence alone. As much as it’s improper to let a man visit her own place alone. But he doesn’t seem to be turning her away and she supposes to some extent, she can’t always hide behind archaic habits of the past. Or that sense of conservative nature she holds about herself and others.

She compromises by taking exactly one step in and staying put.]

Do… you want me to put these somewhere in particular for you?

[ If Beatrix's habits are archaic, then Trahearne's are impossibly new. He's never owned a home before--sylvari scarcely ever owned homes--and while he's aware of
human homeownership rituals, he isn't so good at remembering them in practice. Not that he'd ever think they applied to him, of course.

So he simply chalks it up to Beatrix being Beatrix as she hangs awkwardly in the doorway, and glances her way when she speaks up, his arms still full of books. ]

Oh, yes.

[ He nods back towards the counter, mostly cleared now. As he sets the books down on the little table, he is peripherally aware of his cat's intentions to ruin the cup of coffee, so he quickly picks it up and out of the way. ]

The counter is perfect. I'll help you unpack.

[She watches the way he motions towards the counter and with a polite trepidation, follows after thoughtfully. But none of this occurs without her tossing a look over her shoulder. At the counter and mindful of his other things, Beatrix carefully sets down the couple of bags that she's arrived with.

With reverence, she begins to unpack the first of the bags.]

I can handle it if you tell me where you would like things to go. I am not certain I would be brave enough to go through your personal effects, after all.

[She wears just the subtle touch of a smile. It's light and subdued, perhaps a touch hollow, but warm in its own way.]

[ Trahearne comes to stand beside Beatrix at the counter and peers curiously into the second bag, taking a little sip of his coffee as he does so.

Ah, that's perfect. ]

I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have much in the way of personal effects.

[ His smile is wry as he pulls out some of the vegetables that sit on top. He's seen the way Ori and Phantom look at his house, like he should own more things. ]

I don't mind, honestly. There is nothing here I would consider particularly scandalous.

[ The cat follows after him and comes to sit politely beside Beatrix's feet, looking up at her expectantly. She is standing right by a ceramic jar that sits on a shelf above the counter, one that holds all the cat treats. ]

[She doesn't stop him. He'll find instead of vegetables, it's all fruits. Same story. Ones he can have with minimal preparation, if only because it's quite possibly what also fills Beatrix's diet, considering she has absolutely zero cooking ability and has done nothing to otherwise change that.

She hears him plainly and offers a small turn of the mouth. She's always thought her residence was barren. In comparison to Trahearne's, hers is downright luxurious.]

'Particularly' scandalous.

[Beatrix echoes, tipping her head, wondering if he's joking with her or if she ought to be concerned about happening upon something... that she probably shouldn't be seeing.

There's the cat that follows and when she realises it's at her feet, her attention moves betwixt feline and whatever may be grabbing its attention, which... after some moments of scouting, she concludes is either what she's unpacking or something else on the counterspace.

...Maybe she's in the cat's way?

She looks over to Trahearne, raising an eyebrow.]

I was not aware you had a... pet. [She begins carefully.] I am probably in its way.

[ Trahearne pauses, a bit surprised that Beatrix had so pointedly picked out his softening language, and turns to look at her. He's about to correct himself, that all of his books are completely innocent, but that's wrong, too. One of the very first things he picked up for himself after waking in Songerein was a book he so innocently thought would be a biographical account of friends and acquaintances from his home. And oh, he had been so wrong. ]

I must confess, there is a particularly...salacious book I have been meaning to get rid of. [ He pulls more vegetables out--perfect for himself, since he is no cook either--and lines them up neatly on the counter. He glances at Beatrix with a small teasing look of his own; he's not very shy about this, considering he broadcasted a small portion of it over the journals just days after his arrival. ] You're welcome to have it if you like.

[ When she brings up the cat, he looks down at his pet. He sees how expectantly she looks at Beatrix, her eyes wide, and he can't help but smile. ]

That's normally where I stand when I feed her treats. [ With his free hand, he points to the ceramic jar up on the shelf. There's a little paw print design on it. ] Feel free to give her one or two.

Edited (UGH REPETITIVE WORDING) 2022-09-20 13:18 (UTC)

I—

[Her words cram right into her throat and she can't even stop herself from flushing, which is... Well. Normally, she's far better at this. Maybe it's just the recent events that make her more susceptible. Maybe it's because her life outside of said events is rapidly turning and she probably is thinking about the content of salacious books more than she ever would have in Alexandria. It can be for any number of reasons.

Beatrix opts for clearing her throat before she manages to utter out the rest of her response.]

—do not think that will be necessary, thank you.

[And thankfully, there is a cat in need of assistance. Trahearne points out the jar with the paw print, which is suddenly so much more obvious. She'd seen it before, but treats did not occur to her nearly as quickly as they should have. Setting down what she's been unpacking, she reaches over to pluck out a couple and as she looks down to the cat, she eventually kneels down to offer one at a time, flat on her palm.]

Since your father said it was all right.

[ Trahearne simply continues to unpack the food, blissfully unaware of the sort of thought process into which he's thrown Beatrix. And also blissfully unaware that he's shouldered her with the knowledge that there is indeed spicy erotica somewhere in this house. He doesn't seem particularly embarrassed about this fact, either.

When she turns him down, he doesn't seem terribly heartbroken over it, either; he simply hums in acknowledgement.

He glances down as she kneels to feed the cat, and he smiles a little. ]

That's one way to make you her favourite.

[ The cat eagerly and politely gobbles up the treats from Beatrix's hand, and proceeds to sniff when she doesn't find anymore. And when she doesn't, she starts pressing her paw to the hand, as though it might produce more. ]

[Thank the eidolons he doesn't press her for more information, though the mere topic reminds her of just how reserved she continues to be, despite the odd turns and twists in her personal affairs. She may never outgrow that. It is a concerning issue, to be sure, that she may wind up not only an obstacle to her own growth, but of that with others. Or at least those who seek to deepen a relationship with a woman who still seems to be quite locked into herself.

Those, however, are thoughts for another time, and without doubt, they shall plunge her into a mire that she's already quite intimate with in her most quiet of moments. Instead, her attention is fastened onto her immediate kitten companion. It's the dogs all over again, really. And Boco, too. Animals seem to have a likeness for her, though it's said that animals tend to be an excellent judge of character.

In the face of her crimes, perhaps Trahearne's cat sees through to the truth of what Beatrix is really like.]

Let us hope that is not the case. I never considered myself particularly good with animals. Never had pets myself, even when I was a child. At least, not to my recollection. I should think my family too self-involved for such things. Yet they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Perhaps concepts like charisma and amicable personality are something the same. She may see something that I do not.

[She offers the cat a fond curl of the mouth, taking the opportunity to dust the length of forefinger along her chin.]

[ The cat's eyes narrow, eventually falling shut as she enjoys the scratch on the chin Beatrix is so kindly offering her.

Trahearne, too, takes a moment to pause in his unpacking and turns to watch his pet (daughter, now?) and his friend interact, a fond smile crossing his face. His feline companion is free to come and go from the house as she pleases--he has told her that, many times, though knowing perfectly well she doesn't understand him--yet she stays put. And as such, she hasn't met too many of his friends. It's been nice seeing her get acquainted with his friend these past couple of weeks. ]

I found myself caring for several cats whilst I served as marshal. [ He crosses his arms, gaze drifting as he thinks on them. ] Some were strays, some came into my care because their owners died in battle. And while not all warmed up to me and my subordinates as quick as others, I did notice one thing they all had in common.

[ His eyes settle on Beatrix, unsure if she realizes he's looking at her. He still recalls her dream from several days ago, and though it'd left him with mixed feelings, this interaction only solidifies the conclusion he had tentatively settled on. ] They often see beyond the personas and boundaries we put up; they care not for our pasts and accomplishments and failures. They're content to accept us for who we are.

[ Which is why, he thinks, a cat suits himself so well. ]

[As he discusses the cats from his home world and his interactions with them, Beatrix takes a moment to pause her attentions to listen to him. Attentively. She has in mind to ask him whatever he’s learned, but he answers enough for her without any additional prodding necessary.

What he follows up with is weighted. Pointed in its own way. There’s a great deal of implication in there and she knows why. He doesn’t even need to say it for her to get the message. For some moments, she leaves her gaze on him and then when she finds she can hold it no longer, it turns back onto the cat. Mercy and compassion are so much more difficult than the alternative. When she starts taking into consideration the number of people in this world who care for her despite what’s lingered in her past, it makes her chest feel tight.

It hurts, really. Kindness hurts so much more than hatred.]

Is that so.

[She utters quietly as she resumes offering a gentle touch to his cat’s head and right along a furry cheek.]

Seems there are quite a few cats here in Reverein then.

[Him, she means. Ira. Dohalim. Oriphi. Eustace. Almost everyone.]

[ In the silence that follows, Trahearne keeps his eyes on her, a mild expression on his face. He knows she understands what he means--that cats can sense genuinely kind people right away, regardless of how shy they initially are. They rarely give the truly vile the time of day.

And he is, in fact, just talking about cats. And if Seisyll (his "daughter") is happy to eat from the palm of her hand and accept scratches to her chin, then that's all he needs to know.

But her metaphor is not lost on him. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, his gaze dropping to watch his animal companion stretch, her eyes snapping open, making an attempt to climb up towards Beatrix's face. ]

I suppose there are.

[ He knows his life experiences may inform his present choices, but who he was then means little now. He's come to apply that thinking to everyone else he meets.

But he also knows his place. ]

Beatrix, I hope that, in times of distress, you have someone to talk to. It doesn't have to be me--it would be impudent of me to assume you would come to me, but know there are people here who care for you and would be more than happy to help you.

[ They wouldn't want a noctrix on their hands. ]

[His words linger with her. Resonate in their own way. She’s been hearing them a lot. Eustace. Oriphi. The others. It seems like that’s all any of them have ever wanted for her. To have an outlet. Perhaps it has become quite obvious that Beatrix holds onto everything. Tries to carry everything herself. Tries to portray herself as invincible and untouchable, though she’s as fallible as anyone else. She’s not immune to any of it, much to her chagrin.

For a moment, she’s almost expecting him to join the list of people who might prod her about Dohalim, but it occurs to her that he too was down whilst anything she might have said would have given her away. The only reason Oriphi found out was because she refused to allow Beatrix to spend that fated night following Eustace’s misadventure alone.]

I…

[Beatrix scoffs a little, lifting a hand to haughtily flick her hair back. It’s one of her tells. An indication that she’s embarrassed to have such a conversation and she doesn’t take to humiliation well.]

It seems a good lot of you are quite concerned about me.

[She finally responds gently, offering Seisyll one more pet for good measure before she rises to her full stature. Turning her attention onto Trahearne, she regards him with care and consideration.]

I ought to make certain such feelings occur minimally.

[That’s not at all what he’s trying to say and she knows it.]

[ Trahearne, in fact, knows absolutely nothing about her relationship with Dohalim. Isn't she lucky?

He watches her, sensing she might not be very happy with the conversation, but he still thinks it's worth saying out loud. Regardless, he won't keep prodding the topic for any longer than he needs to. ]

It's only natural we worry for the people we care about.

[ When he says that, he can't help but smile wryly to himself. He certainly spends a lot of his time worrying about things. He cares, yes--or does it come from a place of obligation and duty? Even after all this time, he still hasn't figured that out yet.

He observes her as she stands. Seisyll, with her target (Beatrix's face) now out of reach, begins to weave between her legs.

With a nod, and a small, satisfied smile, he turns back to the groceries. ] You know what's best for you. [ As a colleague, ally, and equal, he won't fuss over Beatrix like he does the younger cohort. With the bag empty, he begins folding it to put it away. ] But if you ever need me, you know where to find me.

Yes. I suppose there is truth in that.

[She casts a look down to Seisyll, making a note to move very carefully that she not dislodge the cat overmuch. She can easily picture just toppling right over herself in an ungraceful flailing of limbs. Fortunately, that hasn’t happened just yet.

Looking over to him, she’s going through the second bag of items and finishing unpacking it for him.]

I appreciate it, Trahearne. I doubt I need to say it, but I reflect the same to you. I think all of us have our moments where we think we need to handle everything on our own. Some of us may be more acquainted with that feeling than others. It does not mean the approach is any different. We all want to assist and support those close to us.

[...She is no different in that respect either.]

[ As Beatrix starts to move, Seisyll gets the hint and darts away again, finding a nice spot under the table to curl up.

In the meanwhile, Trahearne starts sorting the fruits and placing them in various cupboards, different receptacles. Every so often as she speaks does he throw a glance her way, trying to gauge how much of what she's tell him is her scolding him, or her simply reminding him. The argument with Ori over this very topic is fresh in his mind, and the sores from that still tender.

"All of us have our moments where we think we need to handle everything on our own." That's been true for him for his entire life. It wasn't a matter of thinking he had to handle everything on his own, it was a matter of knowing he had no choice but to. And his efforts to unlearn this have been unsuccessful so far. ]

I know. [ He says this quietly, a way to protect himself. With the last fruits put in their place, he carefully tucks the folded bag into a nearby drawer. ] But it's good to hear it again, and I admittedly need the reminder.

[ He leans against the counter and eases the tension in his shoulders; a stinging in his chest tells him that he probably should have let Beatrix do the putting things away herself. And hypocritically, he says nothing. ]

Thank you, Beatrix.

[Maybe what she says is more for her than it is for him. They are often things that have been spoken unto her. They are often things she needs to keep in consideration. Lessons she still needs to learn, though thinks about often enough.

When he weighs in, she decides not to push any further. Of course he knows. They’ve all probably said it to one another, shared it here and there as necessary. Drawing quiet for some moments until she’s finished unpacking, she folds up the bag neatly, leaving it on his counter.

His gratitude is unnecessary. She never says anything for that sort of thing. She only says what she thinks needs to be said. In the end, maybe he’s just thanking her again for getting him food.]

Sometimes I need the reminder as well.

[Looking over to him, she forces a smile, though it’s subdued and difficult to hold.]

I think between all of us we will have plenty more of those to come in the future.

[ Trahearne returns the smile, but it comes easier to him. He's genuinely thankful Beatrix has come to help him, that she reached out to him when she did. He's also genuinely thankful to have people like her as his friends--his allies. Though most of them are stoic, all of them care. And it's hard to deal with that sometimes.

Uncharacteristically, he crosses his arms over his chest, mostly to keep him from overexerting his arms and by extension, his chest. It will heal with time; he just has to wait. ]

I think all of us present at the incident have formed a unique bond among us. We all went through the pain, and each of us are uniquely equipped to help one another. [ He chuckles a bit, confirming what she said. ] We most certainly will not be lacking in reminders among all of us.

A… unique bond.

[Yes. Perhaps he’s right on that one. It’s true that ever since that night, when she thinks of the others, wonders how they’re doing, even if it’s something mundane, she feels a touch different. It’s not quite the same as her relationship with Dohalim or even that of Kisara. It is distinctly different.]

I did not think of it in such a way, but it is not untrue. I think it is that the adversity we faced was something we had to come together to overcome. We hear it frequently enough. Through hardship are fierce bounds found. I never was much fond of working alongside others. I have always preferred to do things on my own. I suppose I had not the experience of what it would be like to form camaraderies like that.

[ Trahearne nods. Through hardship are fierce bonds found. That might possibly be the truest thing he's heard all day. That line might stick with him for a while.

But he turns to look at her, study her as she speaks when she mentions not ever experiencing a bond like this. He sympathizes a little, but while he spent most of his life by himself, the unique circumstances of his people meant he did experience such a thing. ]

...My firstborn siblings and I shared something similar. There were only twelve of us in the beginning, and in those first two years, we were alone. We fought hard to establish ourselves as a respectable people in our world, and to ensure our survival. We experienced terrible loss when one of our brothers left us much too early, even before the second generation awoke. Since then, the firstborn have dwindled in number. There are only eight of them left now.

[ He pauses, his gaze more intense than he perhaps intends. He gets the sense that she would rather be alone, keep herself apart, stay with the status quo of her life that she is so comfortable maintaining. But he knows what it's like to have, and to lose such a bond. ]

I don't want to give you unsolicited advice, Beatrix. But I do encourage you to cherish what we have while we're all still here.

Edited (fixing wording dont mind me............) 2022-10-03 13:01 (UTC)

[It's the first time she's heard him talk about his people in such a way. She doesn't know very much about the Sylvari. Given that Gaia is full many beast-like people, Beatrix has never really given a lot of thought to it. Trahearne is simply Trahearne. That's all he needs to be.

How he speaks of his people, regardless, is intriguing. Firstborn siblings. Implying that there are evidently more. She's never really asked how his people grow, but given that he is so akin to a plant, she imagines the sowing of seeds. Or however plants spread their young. She's sure if she said any of that aloud, it might very well be received as a touch ill-informed and comedic.

His explanation, however, is a sad one. She can't help but wonder where this all comes from, but when he continues, she pauses. For all that she intends to address the plight of his fellow firstborn, his ending words grab her attention.]

...Does it seem that I am ungrateful for you and the others?

[...She could believe that, she supposes. It's not as though she's has oft voiced herself when it comes to those kinds of feelings. He would have every reason to think she was ungrateful.]

Not at all. I apologise if it came across that way. [ Trahearne's brows raise a bit--he didn't mean it like that. He doesn't mean to call her ungrateful at all. Beatrix would not have reached out if she were, would she? She clearly needed company, and she would have solved that problem elsewhere if she were.

He shakes his head. ]

But if you're anything like me, [ she does, in fact, strike him a bit like Phantom and Eustace, and the three of them are very similar ] then you may find you choose to remove yourself in certain circumstances instead of finding support. I admit...I am rather guilty of this myself, but I am trying. Perhaps my advice is not all that convincing, in that case.

[ He remembers the last day he saw Riannoc. Wynne. Riannoc, especially--the news of his death had been so devastating for a people so young and ready to embrace life. Though he lives on in their memory, he never got to live. He wonders what Caithe thought and felt as she watched the commander strike him down. He wonders if she saw Faolain, in the end. He hopes, sincerely, she's not had to watch any of the others fall since then. ]

But once that connection is gone...it never comes back.

[ He has heard tell of some people leaving and then reawakening in Songerein. But who's to tell that will always happen? Or that will apply to any of them in the future?

And to that end, ]

I am grateful you came to see me, Beatrix. As strange as it sounds, I'm glad we shared this experience.

[...

His observation, assessment, these things are astute. Like recognises like, she would think. She finds more comfort in the companionship of those who are like her, oft because they have no need to pry her for information. Eustace rarely asks questions regarding her feelings and she suspects it is largely because he already knows the answers. Saves her the trouble of tripping over herself to give an answer or dealing with the complexity of trying to find words for feelings she tends to squash down under heel.

But Trahearne is right. She is the sort to simply remove herself from a situation. She does not like support, would claim she does not want it, does not need it, can get by on her own just fine, when in truth, she has to acknowledge that some part of her has been incredibly lonely for over ten years and likely longer than that. She lives in a hell of her own making because she's never bothered to try breaking out of it. Misery may be a sad place to thrive in, if one wants to call it thriving at all, but if it's familiar, why explore something foreign.

"...once that connection is gone... it never comes back."

And he's right about that, too. So right, in fact, that she pauses for several long moments to consider what she might need to say to others. What she might need them to hear if she can grasp the courage to make such a thing happen. Just in case she should wake a day later and find them no longer in this world.

...Would she leave Dohalim with nothing? A hard frown crosses her features, but lasts only moments before she looks over to him.]

When you require assistance, you may always call on me, even if it does not seem I would offer such kindness. This is not charity. It is not pity or sympathy. For all that I may be ice and stone, I care about you, and the others, in my own way. I may not be able to voice it easily, but the things that are important to all of you, who you may wish to be, where you may wish to go, what you may wish to accomplish, these things are important to me in turn. I would desire the prosperity, the providence, and the joys that life has to offer for each of you.

[ In the long, quiet moments that follow, Trahearne finds his gaze wandering out the window on the opposite side of the room. There's a dull ache in his chest, and it's not from the wound. The sylvari, ever a believer in fate, thinks it's no coincidence that there are eight others who shared this experience, as there are eight firstborn remaining on Tyria. He prays they are there to support one another, to be the wise leaders they're meant to be. He prays that the other eight that were there in the cave will come to support one another in much the same way, and become bright spots in Reverein.

...But where does that leave him?

Alone again, he thinks.

When Beatrix speaks up, breaking him from his thoughts, he slowly turns to her, and surprise spreads across his countenance as she continues. To him, her moment of openness, her heartfelt extension of a hand comes so out of the blue that he's almost at a loss for words. He's always found her hard to read, and he suspects it's for the very reasons he mentioned not moments ago, so to hear this from her is...well. It's extremely touching. Almost beyond words.

He only studies her when she finishes, not quite sure what to say in turn. At last, an easy smile crosses his face, and he bows his head. ]

...Thank you, Beatrix. It truly heartens me to hear that. [ Has anyone ever said anything like that to him? That they want him to find his own joys in life, outside of his duties and his destiny? No one, not even his commander. He thinks, if he were the sort, he might burst into tears at the suggestion. But luckily, he isn't, and he remains composed. ] I could say the very same to you. Should you ever need me, if there is anything I can ever do for you in turn, never hesitate to call on me. I will be there.

[She's not said any of this to get something in return. Initial instinct tells her she said it to reassure him, but maybe she's reassuring herself as well. That she isn't as heartless as she seems to think she is or has been. That she isn't all ice and stone and unwelcoming things.

Maybe... a part of her is afraid of the people here viewing her in such a way. When she realises she doesn't have an explanation for that and considers further that she is probably not ready to start diving into any of it, it may be for the best to simply let it go. Not to overthink it the way she seems to overthink everything else.

Clearing her throat, she shakes her head.]

Yes, well. I appreciate it. But this is becoming awkward.

[So instead—

Beatrix lifts the last remaining pieces of fruit she's been holding onto.]

Show me where I can put these and then I am going to get out of your hair.

[...Not that she would say he really has hair. Whatever. She's already said it. She's already embarrassed herself plenty on this day. What's one more stupid thing coming out of her mouth.]

(no subject)

pactmarshal - 2022-10-07 13:19 (UTC) - Expand

DIS A WRAP WRAP, I THINK.

roseofmay - 2022-10-07 19:37 (UTC) - Expand