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[ Her smile only broadens as Trahearne's face meets cat's tail. It's nice to see him with an animal companion - it means he's not alone when he's at home, and perhaps the cat gives him a reason not to spend most or all of his time at the Archives...

With undisguised interest, she looks over at the box of cookies and recognizes it immediately as an offering from the Wild Harvest - and particularly, of Susato's making. She almost forgets to answer his question, for a moment. ]

Oh! Um, these are healing potions. I know it's been a number of days already, but... I wanted to offer, in case there are any lingering injuries... These should help. Otherwise, they're for you to hold onto.

[ Just in case, although she leaves that part unsaid. ]

[ Unfortunately, the presence of a critter has not cut down on Trahearne's Archive time.

Trahearne takes his seat opposite Ori, his eyes settled on the potions. Seisyll hops down from her perch and comes to stand on the table, sniffing the bottles curiously. He runs a hand through the thin leaves that make up her fur and nods. ]

Thank you, Ori. My wounds are still healing, so this is greatly appreciated.

[ He really isn't in much of a state to be up and about, which makes him a little dubious of her condition. He directs his attention up at her, brow raised slightly. ] Should you be here, carrying these around? Your injuries seemed quite serious.

[ She can't help but watch the cat attentively as she sniffs at the bottles, knowing full well the feline propensity to... knock various things off of various surfaces... ]

—They are?

[ She sounds almost excited - or as excited as she can sound when she's also exhausted - to hear this. Because it means that she can help. That she can be of use— ]

In that case, since I'm already here, I can cast healing magic on you. That way you can save these potions.

[ —and naturally, as such, she has ignored his question and comment about her own condition entirely. ]

[ He catches that immediately, and he frowns. ]

Ori. [ He says sternly, a tone he would have used with his own mentee when she was a sapling, when she would get ahead of herself. He fixes his gaze on her, hoping to get her eye contact. ] I'm asking about you.

[ Seisyll, deciding she's not particularly interested in the bottles, turns her attention to sniff at the cookies. Trahearne doesn't even look away from Ori as he plucks Seisyll from the table, and forcibly holds her in his lap. She squirms for a bit before giving up. ]

You were severely hurt in the fight. Are you sure you should be up and about?

[ Ah. She has heard this tone of voice before. It’s not too unlike the many conversations she’s had with Dae and Cibark. It makes her pause in the middle of rising from her seat as she simply stares wide-eyed at him for a moment before sitting back down. ]

… Yes?

[ What else would she do, rest some more? ]

[ He gives her a look. A dubious one. ]

You mean to tell me your wounds have closed already?

[ He feels like he has to ask about six more times before he believes her. ]

[ Predictably, she withers under that look, as she is ever so easily swayed by the fact that she’s bad at lying or hiding her feelings. ]

I mean, not entirely, but they’re most of the way there. That’s what the healing magic is for.

[ That much is true, plain and simple. However, it says nothing of the fatigue she feels from the emotional toll that evening took, and much less about the exhaustion she feels from being drained of her dreamotion energy. ]

I hope you have not been over-relying on healing magic. It is not a supplement for true rest.

[ Because Pale Tree knows they all need it. ]

And I trust Diluc has been ensuring you get just that at home, yes?

[ It isn't like he knows Diluc particularly well, but if Ori tries to skirt around this, he might ask him to keep a closer eye on her. As far as he's concerned, it takes a village to make sure Ori isn't pushing herself. ]

Edited (IT'S (NOT SUPPOSED TO BE) CORN) 2022-09-09 23:04 (UTC)

Of course…

[ Well. She’s tried to get by on her healing spells. But the truth is that they do nothing for the fatigue left by her overtaxing her dreamotion abilities.

Still, she gives him a reassuring smile when he mentions Diluc. ]

He’s been taking good care of me, I promise. He’s… [ She hesitates. It’s really not her place to tell others about Diluc’s own experience with nightmare energy and nearly turning noctaere. ] He knows how much of a toll interacting with nightmare energy can take.

Anyway, I did want to talk to you about what happened that night…

[ Trahearne doesn't pry any further. But he is satisfied to know that Diluc is doing his part to ensure her recovery. He gives a pleased nod as he reaches for a cookie.

With one less arm keeping her down, Seisyll leaps up onto the table again, and this time picks her way across the bottles and past the cookie box to come sniff Ori. She shoves her nose right in her face. ]

Of course. [ He doesn't quite get to bite into his cookie when she brings it up, and he turns his full attention to her. ] It was terrible for all of us, I imagine. What did you want to talk about?

[ He thinks this is going to be about her. lol. lmao. ]

[ She'll be sure to indulge in cookies later, but for now she wants to say a number of things and the topic simply isn't conducive to cookie-eating, lest she touch on something potentially sensitive with a mouthful of crumbs. ]

I'm— Oh!

[ And there goes Seisyll, nose pressed up against Ori's face. ]

You're a sweetheart, but I'm talking to your dad right now about something important...

[ She loves cat, but she doesn't to be too distracted by cat, so she carefully picks Seisyll up from off the table tries to get her to settle into her lap. ]

Anyway, um... I wanted to apologize... For a lot of things, but firstly for using telepathy on you without your consent. I normally try to avoid doing that, but at the time Eustace was so subdued, and I was afraid of disrupting that... But I noticed that you reacted strongly to it...

[ Seisyll allows herself to be picked up, falling limp in Ori's hands (or is it a cheeky form of protest?). She squirms a bit in the tiefling's lap, but soon picks a rather...odd position, where she's splayed out, belly exposed.

Trahearne watches Ori handle her with little concern--he trusts her, of course--and patiently waits for her to broach the subject.

And when she does, his expression drops almost immediately.

Flashbacks of that moment, the panic and terror and belated horror that he could not tell apart Ori's voice from Mordremoth's, fill his head, and he visibly tenses. He stares down at the cookie in his hand, no longer interested in snacking on it. After a quiet moment, he places the cookie back in the box.

When he looks up at her, his eyes are pained. He wants to say something to her, but it takes a moment for him to speak up. And when he does, his voice is hushed, stern, afraid. ]

Do not ever communicate with me in that manner again. I understand our situation was...unusual, and that you had an important message for us. But I am terrified to think of what I would have done had I not realised it was you speaking to me and not the dragon.

[ The dragon. The voice from his dream all those months ago. ]

[ The regret is immediate on her face the moment that Ori sees Trahearne’s previously well-meaning expression fall away. She’s certainly the type to try and avoid difficult conversations, but… She couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t apologize about this, in particular.

Still, it doesn’t make hearing what he has to say any easier. A frown pulls at her lips as he goes on, and her hands go still at Seisyll’s sides. When he mentions the dragon, her frown only deepens further. She had a feeling his reaction had something to do with that, and the confirmation of her suspicion only makes her guilt worse.

But what’s done is done. And of course she understands. She won’t even try to say her piece of it more than she has, much less try to defend her decision.

In the end, that had been a fruitless effort anyway - because it wasn’t too long after that Eustace’s condition worsen and they were unable to keep him subdued. So really, what was the point of trying to talk to them without his noticing…? She feels like a failure for so many things about that night, and this is one of them. ]

I… I won’t do it again, don’t worry. I know that I did more harm than good at every step of the way. But I really am sorry. I’ll do better from now on…

Ori.

[ The way he says her name this time is less of a scold. More sympathetic, concerned, perhaps a bit exasperated. I'll do better from now on is very much a mirror of his own feelings on the matter--as far as he's concerned. He failed. He failed to subdue Eustace, he failed to protect Ori, he failed to keep the others safe. Despite all the caution he'd given Beat beforehand, a part of him had been arrogant. He and Eustace alone had a much easier time against Phantom when he turned. But perhaps that was all Eustace to begin with. Maybe he's always been weak, but had never noticed. ]

You didn't know, and I forgive you.

[ It isn't okay, as he would often say in situations like this, because it really isn't. But he forgives her.

Something, in this moment of honesty and vulnerability, boils in his chest when she says that to him, though. Anger flashes through his eyes, and he tenses. ]

But you did not do more harm than good. We all did our best, but the fact of the matter is that Eustace was much too powerful for all of us. I saw you fight, and you were incredible. If anything, I should have done more to back you up.

[ His anger simmers, and his brows raise in genuine worry. ]

Please don't fall into your negative thoughts.

[ She looks… Unconvinced, to say the very least, when he says that he forgives her. She wants to believe that he’s willing to put this past them, but that part of her that always wants to assume the worst can’t help but feel that she’s done irreparable damage to their friendship. It will may take her some time, yet, to relieve herself of this guilt, but… ]

No, I… I didn’t do enough. Even from the very start, I was reckless and let Beat get hurt, and then in the end you had to jump in between Eustace and I and—

[ A hand goes up to scrub at her face in frustration. ]

It’s always like this. Even when we were fighting Prince Ibram, I… All I ever do is make everyone worry.

[ Seisyll, free from one hand, slinks out of her lap to leap up onto the table again and starts to sniff her bottles.

Trahearne frowns, a sign of frustration of his own. He knows Ori doesn't think much of herself, and sometimes it feels as though nothing he says gets to her. Maybe he's not the right person to be telling her these things, but he will continue to say them anyway.

He reaches across the small table to place a hand on hers, trying to coax it off her face. ]

People worry about you because they care for you. They do it because they want to help you.

[ A wry smile crosses his face, whether or not she can see it. ] I constantly worry, it's in my nature. I worry about my mother, the wellbeing of all of my siblings--even the ones whose names I do not know. I worry about my friends here, I worry about H-- Seisyll!

[ The cheeky cat has started to gently nudge one of the bottles towards the edge of the table, and Trahearne quickly stands, scooping her into his arms and swiftly deposits her on the ground. Naughty kitty. ]

[ She doesn’t protest or pull her hand away when he coaxes it away from her face, although she can’t quite bring herself to meet his gaze. Instead, her gaze is fixed on her now-empty lap now that Seisyll has vacated it, her other hand curling into a fistful of fabric as she grips at her skirt in frustration. ]

But… That’s just it, I want to be able to take worries off of people’s shoulders. So many people here, people like you and Diluc and Beatrix and Eustace, [ his name being emphasized, given what they’d just seen of him, ] you always try to go about everything thinking that you have to shoulder everything yourselves and that you’re all alone, but it’s not fair at all… Not to yourselves or to anyone who cares about you. I’m starting to get really…

[ She draws in a deep breath, and then exhales it shakily. ]

Upset about it. Stop worrying about me, if you’re not going to let me worry about you in return. It’s not fair…

[ He isn't expecting Ori to keep going while he's still standing. After watching Seisyll scamper up the stairs, he turns his attention back to her and slowly settles back in his chair.

The urge to deflect is there, but he listens to her. Really listens and processes what she has to say--it's the least he can do.

She's right, though. He has a million excuses as to why he always deflects, why he insists on caring and worrying for others over letting them fuss over him: he was a leader, he was in charge. He needed to stay strong to keep morale up, he needed to guide and mentor his younger siblings, he needed to guide the way and inspire others to give their best. And as such, he had never been good at accepting others' concern. He's never been in any sort of relationship where these things were shared equally.

But it's time for change--something he's been telling himself over and over again. He's no longer Firstborn Trahearne. He's not Marshal Trahearne. He's just Trahearne, just as she's just Ori, and their friends are just Eustace, just Phantom...regardless of whatever they are in the waking world. When is he going to internalize this?

His thoughts are going, his mind processing what Ori said, and so he remains silent for a moment longer. The instinct telling him to push back is still there, but he ignores it. ]

...You're right, and I'm sorry. [ He looks up at her with a deep frown. He may not voice it, but he's still worried about her. ] I'll...I'll gladly accept your worries about me, and I apologise that I have not been very...receptive. [ His gaze drops to the cookies. ] I suppose I don't really know how to be.

[ She falls back into old ways and old habits in times like these, and as soon as she’s realized just how much she’s said, she immediately regrets it, immediately regrets speaking up and saying how she feels. Feeling sorry for taking up space.

It’s not her that he should be apologizing to. Just like with Diluc and confronting him about his own ways… It’s not fair most of all to theirselves.

But she understands, too. At the end of the day, she’s guilty of much the same, just in different ways. In focusing much more on others’ feelings over her own, among others. ]

It’s… It’s alright. We can all work together to learn. I’m learning, too.

I just… I don’t want to see that happen to anyone, anymore.

[ Opening oneself really is a learning process, and it's turning out to be more difficult than Trahearne thinks. A couple of seasons worth of trials forcing him to reassess his mindset still has nothing on twenty-six years of internalized behaviors.

But he is trying.

He nods in affirmation to Ori's first statement. If anything, they can keep one another accountable in these sorts of situations. Which is why they're having this conversation.

...That still doesn't keep Trahearne from suddenly clenching his fists in rage, though. He tenses, jaw set, as he thinks back to the moment he thinks she's talking about. ]

I will always jump in to save you, Ori. And I will never think twice about it.

[ He frowns. What was he supposed to do, sit there and watch Eustace attack her like that? ]

I don't think I would have ever forgiven myself had I not.

I would have never forgiven Eustace.

...

[ She doesn’t have to be looking at Trahearne to pick up on his frustration, his anger. These sorts of feelings are always going to be uncomfortable to sit with, whether they’re her own or someone else’s. But it’s no small blessing, in her book, that Trahearne ultimately tells her what he’s frustrated and angry about.

It’s a step in the right direction. Even if she doesn’t necessarily like what she hears. ]

I understand… But you know, I—

Eustace showed us. I don’t know if you saw it too. What led up to all of this… He’s lost Tifa so many times. When I think about how much pain he must have been in, I can’t help… I can’t help but feel like I understand. If that happened to me, if I lost Diluc like that, I… It would break me.

[ And when she thinks about that, she realizes… She can't bring herself to blame him for what happened. ]

That's quite the admission to make right after all that talk about worry.

[ Trahearne snaps at her--his response comes surprisingly quickly.

He does understand, logically. He is the one, after all, who sent an entire army to their deaths because he was furious with Mordremoth for injuring the Pale Tree.

But even though it was an emotional decision, it was still his decision. It wasn't a good one, but it was his. His mind was his own. He did not consciously harm or injure any of his soldiers with his own hands along the way.

Not even under Mordremoth's control did he ever give in and harm another. Not once.

So does he understand, emotionally? Not at all. And the prospect of Ori turning and harming their friends again makes him furious. ]

You will let me worry about you, and you will let me worry about Diluc, too. It's clear to me that these sort of relationships are much too-- [ He makes an abrupt gesture with his hands. ] --fragile for a volatile realm such as this. And I would never forgive you if you were to harm any of our friends because of it.

[ He isn't sure what kind of point he's trying to make--he's too angry to think straight. He's tired, frustrated, and homebound. He's normally more empathetic, kinder, but he hates what he's hearing. ]

[ She knows that what she’s said doesn’t sound great. And yet she doesn’t regret saying it, either - if they are all to prevent this from happening in the future, they need to know where they’re all at. And that includes having such thoughts. She bears his anger and his worry with that, because he’s right - how could she not, after everything she’s just said about worry?

In the end, though, it’s not his insistence that he would never forgive her if she hurt their friends that gets at her, because she understands. She’s having a hard enough time reconciling the fact that she completely understands why Eustace turned noctaere with the fact that he hurt her and worse - hurt Trahearne and all of their friends. Even the dogs.

It’s his statement that their relationships are fragile that has her bowing her head in anguish.

Because he’s right about that, too. Each day, she lives with the fear that she’ll wake up and find Diluc gone, just as they had with Thoma. Dreams are fleeting and unpredictable and at times, nonsensical. At any given moment, they could wake up. And then they would be worlds apart and none the wiser, left only with a faint feeling that she’d had a most wonderful dream that she’ll never be able to know. She knows this because it’s already happened to her once.

What she has with Diluc is fragile, in a sense.

But not for the reasons that Trahearne may be thinking. She draws in a deep breath as his words hang in the air, filling it with certain tension. On the heels of what she and Diluc expressed to one another that night… She can’t accept anyone thinking that their relationship is fragile.

It may be fleeting, by the nature of this realm. But it is not so easily broken. ]

I understand that… And I don’t want you to think that I’m excusing Eustace’s actions just because I understand where he’s coming from. I hate to see people hurt. It’s my job to make sure that they aren’t.

But, please, don’t call it fragile… Maybe you think it’s foolish because of what happened, but… We don’t intend to ever let it get to that point. That’s why I’m telling you that all of us need to talk about these things.

[ Her lips press into a thin line, and when they part once more as she continues to speak, her voice is resolute, but shaking with emotion. ]

Diluc and I made a promise not to hide from one another and that whatever we may face, we’ll face it together. We’re not going to let each other drown. So please… Don’t call it fragile…

[ He turns his gaze up to her, amber eyes boring into her in an intense stare.

He's watched, over and over and over again, relationships be ripped apart by forces greater than mortally comprehensible. He's watched otherwise strong and reliable individuals shatter to pieces when they receive word that a partner or child or parent or sibling perished in battle. He's had people lash out at him, yell at him, spew horrible curses at him when civilian family members receive word about a Pact member's death. He's had to bear the torrent of pointed blame in wake of Scarlet's attack on Lion's Arch, even though, logically, it was not the Pact's fault or responsibility.

So as far as he's concerned, it is fragile. People are fragile, and he considers himself no exception. Even if, it seems by her word choice, that what exactly they're describing as "fragile" does not quite line up.

But then again, he has never been privileged enough to experience this sort of bond. Maybe there's something to it that leads them to believe their connection is unshakeable, that one another's presence makes each individual stronger, even if the absence of one could perhaps lead to irreparable damage.

Or perhaps the growing irritation in the pit of his stomach is envy, in light of his recent dreams.

When he finally speaks, his tone is dubious, controlled. But at least he relents, forcibly cooling his own anger. ]

I don't believe you, but I trust you. I will hold you to that, and I will make sure that we--all of us hold one another accountable.

[ There he goes, shouldering responsibility for everyone else, all over again. He doesn't even realize he's doing this. ]

I care for you a great deal, Ori. I think of you as one of my own, and I would hate to see you break.

[ Oriphi has, and likely always be, an incredibly sentimental person. It’s why she was ill-fitted to be a mercenary with her sister. Why Colin ultimately chose to leave her with the group, rather than take her with him. Because she cares too much, and she would sooner drive herself into the ground bearing the weight of everyone’s emotions than see any of them break and lose themselves the way that Eustace did.

So she nods, at what Trahearne says. She bears the brunt of his irritation, his doubt, and whatever else he feels in the moment rather than continue to defend herself and her relationship with Diluc. In the end, she simply nods. ]

Like I said, I’ll be watching over you, too. The sentiment goes both ways, so… All I ask is that you have a little more faith in Diluc and I.

[ Despite her best efforts, she heaves a sigh. ]

After all, we’ve already lost someone dear to us…

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RETCON: THIS IS EARLY SEPTEMBER

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